The last four months have been exciting, blissful, terrifying and insanely beautiful!
I wed my incredible Husband in August, which took place at a beautiful beach front resort in Thailand in front of 34 loving guest who travelled from Australia, England and New Zealand.
Ryan and I decided it was time and adopted a rescue puppy
(Paige the naughty but cute German shorthaired Pointer who takes over my insta account – see to the right)
who was saved along with her mum and 8 siblings from a puppy farm.
My husband and I then brought our first home together which settled last week
(fingers crossed we will be in before Christmas so Santa knows where to find us)
And there was one more thing……. Oh yeh, that’s right,
And to top off it all – We are pregnant…
Wedding, Dog, House and a Baby, in four months, we certainly had a busy 2015!!
More on puppy and baby news later, but for now I have had to face my own challenges of late… dreaded, hateful, painstakingly annoying – packing that is.
Now for most, this is probably an exciting time, packing away beloved memories and cherished belongings, only to move them into a new fresh space, a new environment, where they can continue to make memories and be loved –
well this is not always MY case.
You see I am a Libran (Libra), meaning I am the ever so wise ‘scales’,
I balance everything out around me whether it be people, situations or the environment I am in at the time, it is in every grain of my body to balance things out, despite sometimes feeling like a Taurus with a temper like a raging bull in a fine china shop!
I am also an incredible multi-passionate creative junkie, and any creative being’s know that without constant inspiration and the space to be creative you soon start loosing your spark, along with your happiness.
The biggest killer (so I have read) of creative junkies is CLUTTER.
Sounds simple right? Clutter/ mess can not only be physically unhealthy (depending on the serverity of the situation) but is also unhealthy for your mind. It is hard to concerntrait with mess and clutter, and you often subconsciously feel ‘trapped’ or overwhelmed.
Yet surprisingly, I live in clutter, you can not even imagine!
Our home is neat, clean and tidy – However, our bedroom and my car is not, this is where I like to ‘Keep’ all the ‘important’ stuff!
Only last night my husband (who is a clean freak bless him) asked me if I would be offended if he purchased me a book titled: The Life Changing Magic of tidying up!
He said “you know how much your mess drives me crazy, maybe this book would help” being someone who thrives off of self-development (or at least I like to think of myself that way) I took no offense and said ‘sure’ with a little giggle, now I know full well I have ‘issues’ I have talked about it with family and friends and in the past has been the topic focus for petty arguments between Hubby and I – so why not change if everyone agrees there is an issue?
Firstly let me explain;
I am a border- line Hoarder (and I wish I was kidding)
It started from a Young age, I was always a sentimental child with great love for cards people actually took the time to write on, so I would collect them, then when my brothers girlfriend at the time and my sister would start giving me jewellery or clothing I would keep them, you see I saw them as having sentimental value, they were gifts from people I loved and cared about and I did not want to lose what they meant to me at that moment.
Sadly this was not something I grew out of and infact still collect birthday and Christmas cards, wrapping paper if someone took the time to wrap it with love and care, jewellery which is my weakness (sadly even if it is broken) clothing that belonged to loved ones (hand-me-downs), handbags (especially if I travelled with them), and then there is the “Things I may need later” pile which is usually just a pile of junk I feel anxious about tossing incase one day I need that lid off of something, or the screw that fell out of something.
My husband is an incredibly efficient person, it is part of his everyday job so he is rather good at it, meaning he has already packed about 70% of our belongings leaving me to pack most of mine (sigh).
Yesterday afternoon while for the first time this week I managed to have two hours to myself, decided I would put my adult hat on and start packing some of my belongings.
There is one bag in particular, however, that I avoid at all cost – you see a few months ago Ryan stubbled across this old giftbag full of what he called ‘junk’ (I know right, how dare he) and told me he was going to throw it out.
This bag of ‘junk’ was in fact a bag full of old jewellery that over the years and much loved wear and tear has broken in one way or another, this is the bag of ‘things I will one day fix and wear again’, deep down knowing that is never going to happen.
Inside is my favourite necklace Ryan brought me when we first started dating, we had been together three months and Ryan took me on a month long over seas trip to New Zealand where we spent one of the best months of our lives campervaning around in ‘Big bertha’ site seeing and truly ‘living the dream’.
We had stoped at the Franz Josef hot springs for some much needed therapy and relaxation after a long drive. After our glorious soak we visited a local shop and there sat this beautiful chunky green beaded necklace – it was instant love.
Ryan had gone back in and brought it for me as a gift to remember our trip and surprised me in the van – It rarely left my neck.
That chunky green bit of goodness saw many miles, seal’s, snow capped mountains, sleeps on the beach, has been to more restaurants than I care to mention and was there for all our glorious moments together.
A few years ago, sadly, the new Zealand necklace met it’s doom when one day while wearing my beloved piece it snapped with big chunky beads scattering along the floor – What does a normal person do? Collect the left over remains of what was a once cherished belonging and place it lovingly in the trash.
What do I do?
Collect the remains of what was a once cherished belonging, shove it in a bag where it will stay for years with the distance and false hope that one day it will be re-borne again!
I think in my last count there was around a dozen of these once loved broken beauties rotting in a bag in the back of the draw all with a story or two to tell..
Sure Ryan attempted to talk me into ‘letting it go’ even suggesting I go out for lunch or up the shops and he will ‘Take care of it’ knowing full well I was on the verge of a breakdown – and breakdown I did, from memory it involved the floor and many sobs and tears. In the end the only way to calm me down was to ‘leave it for another day’ as I slowly prepared myself to ‘let it go’.
A few days later while stalking my favourite website of a local jewellery designer, I came across their beautiful policy section, yes beautiful.
They declared basically that if your new beloved item was damaged or broken within a 30 day period that they would either fix it for free or replace it for free, However, if you item decides to brake months or years down the track they refuse to, their reasons?
They have come to believe that the item no longer serves you, that it has run it’s course and you are in no need of it, that it is time to attract and place your energy into something else, something you need in your life right now for what ever reason that may be.
Now as crazy as that sounds, it really connected with me, it somehow made it seem easier to ‘let go’ of broken, damaged or worn objects simply because they did not serve me anymore.
Sure I made memories with them, amazingly beautiful, incredible, once in a lifetime memories – but it was their and my time to move on ultimately.
I manage to throw away some old clothing, belongings and even some old faithful handbags and backpacks that were very loyal to me on overseas adventures, and to be truthful it was a liberating experience, once I got over my panicked fear of forgetting some long lost memory of having Mexican in a city that was later destroyed by earthquake, it was a fantastic release of pressure.
I guess I am an adult after all – well trying to be.
This bag of jewellery however, is still in the draw safe – for now.
I did however, pack all my good jewellery and perfume, trinket boxes and safe keeps up last night until again I found again a forgotten box of broken jewellery (NOT AGAIN) why do I keep this stuff? I am a rational person right? I know it’s junk, but it’s the memories I am so scared of loosing.
I decided since I had my adult hat on I was going to be a women about it and separate all the broken jewellery from the jewellery I wear now.
I placed all the broken loved pieces on top of my bedside table to throw out, I was so proud of myself, learning to slowly let go, telling myself they have served their purpose in my life and that purpose has ended, there is no need for me to keep the broken energy that goes along with them, that my cherished memories will still be there regardless.
I cleaned up and hubby and I left for the night for my beautiful nieces Christmas concert.
The jewellery has remained on the bedside table, but I have faith my husband will no doubt help me ‘dispose of them’ tonight – a part of me is even a little bit excited – wish me luck.
I guess the point to all this is,
to try and learn to let go – sometime literally.