Why i don’t have the Right!

Back in late November 2014 I was away on a two day training course for Mental Health First Aid (as I work in mental health) when something happened to me that has changed my way of thinking till this day. It’s a bit long but hopefully worth a read.

In the hope it may change someone else’s mind or even there outlook on life I thought I would share my experience.

It was a Wednesday afternoon and I ran into a young women in the bathroom frantically putting powder all over her face, I flashed her a warm smile and told her she looked beautiful and need not worry.
The young women instantly stopped, turned her whole body towards me and said that I really just made her day, in fact her week and that I had no idea what that comment meant to her.

She went on to tell me that she can not leave the house without questioning what she is wearing or how she looks over and over again each day and how even once she has left the house still questions herself.

I faced her and explained that it’s natural to have self confidence issues, most people do and that even myself sometimes question how I appear or how I ‘look’, she suddenly seemed surprised by this and quickly replied with “Really?”, I could only assume due to me being a confident public speaker that she assumed I must have a bullet proof self esteem.

I went on to briefly tell her that she shouldn’t place so much pressure on herself or what societies opinions are of ‘beauty’ or how one is ‘meant to look’ in order to be beautiful.

I went on to tell her that in the brief two day’s I had known her she seemed to be a beautiful person both inside and out and how being beautiful on the inside is what really counts at the end of the day so she had nothing to be concerned about.

I only said a few brief lines to this young lady though it was clear by her face I was making a large impact.
She blushed and thanked me again before we were interrupted.
I told her I really meant it, flashed her a warm smile and we parted ways.

This conversation played on my mind the rest of the evening, in fact for weeks –
In Mental Health we are taught to ‘take time each day to treat ourselves’ or to
‘re-connect with ourselves’ by doing something we enjoy, this keeps us grounded in at times a very confronting industry, so that night I did just that.

I gave myself a facial, had a longer hot shower than normal, laid in bed with cucumber eye pillows on and for 15 minutes really focused on positive thoughts and what direction I wanted my life to go, what my fears were and why?
Thursday night I I poured myself a glass of wine, cooked my favourite pasta dish and listened to some much needed good tunes..

I took time to self reflect and came to the conscious decision I wish I had made in my teens….

Why was that young women so mean to herself? What gave her the RIGHT to put herself down constantly?
To tell herself she was ‘un-attractive’, that her makeup and clothing was how she could ‘define herself’ in society and that without it she was ugly, a failure or ‘un-cool’.

A Confronting thought came to mind suddenly –

Why am I at times so mean to myself?
Why do I tell myself nasty things about my appearance, weight, body, what I am capable of and my ‘image’?
What gives me the RIGHT at times to be so cruel to myself and horrible I too find myself concerned if I look ‘Beautiful’ or if I am ‘good enough’ to achieve my goals?
When did it suddenly become okay to be mean to myself?

Then and there I decided I DID NOT HAVE THE RIGHT!!!

How DARE I tell myself these horrible things, I believe I am a good person, gee even a great one, so why would I tell myself these negative and damaging things, knowing they are in no way serving me in a positive manner.

I strive daily to lead a beautiful, fulfilling and positive life and to share that positive energy with family and loved ones. I strive to empower myself and achieve my life goals and ultimate life style, so why do this when it is not helping me achieve this ‘positive way of living’.

I deserve much, much better from myself.
I Love myself so why should I be so cruel and judgemental.
Enough is Enough!!

So the next time you look in the mirror with a negative judgemental mind or start questioning conversations you’ve had with people and weather they like you or not, did you look a certain way or did you act in a particular manner, ask yourself –

What RIGHT do you have to be so cruel and mean to yourself?

I then want you to take those useless and negative self image bullshit thoughts and completely block them from your mind and only allow yourself to hear positive and loving thoughts.
Believe me you will start to see things change in a liberating and positive way xx

After all you would never say such horrible and damaging this to a stranger so why say them to your beautiful self?



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